Saturday, August 9, 2014

A Marriage Thought

Early this morning I was reading a great article about marriage by Gary Chapman, Ph.D.  At one point he described the two stages of romantic love.  As I sat sat there soaking up his wisdom, I realized how right he was.

Chapman called the first part of romantic love the "euphoric stage."  This is when you're dating, getting engaged, and enjoying the honeymoon part of marriage.  And this is when there are lots of strong, deep feelings in the air.  He stated this is when we're "pushed along by our emotions."

Then, things change.

Chapman called the second part of romantic love the "intentional stage."  This is when the strong feelings cool down and you come off the emotional high.  In other words, this is when reality sets in.  He explained that when this happens, "we must learn each other's love language and speak it regularly."

Wow, Chapman sure explained that perfectly.  I've seen it myself.  And so have you! 

The intentional stage of marriage is when work and effort are required if we want the relationship to thrive.  It demands understanding, communication, and serving each other.  Survival of the marriage depends on us intentionally taking steps to protect and strengthen it.

When he mentions "love language" he is talking about connecting with our spouse in a way that is meaningful to her or him.  In other words, we are speaking the "love language" of our spouse when we do things that make her or him feel deeply loved.  It's meeting them where they are, and giving them what they need.

Some married people feel loved with words of affirmation.  Others feel loved with things like gifts, helpful deeds, sex, or a peaceful home life, just to name a few.  Everyone is wired a little differently.  The key is for husbands to figure out what makes wives feel loved, and focus on that.  Also, wives need to figure out what makes husbands feel loved, and focus on that.  When both spouses focus on meeting the needs of each other and pleasing each other, the marriage gets stronger, both partners feel loved, and life in the home is happier and warmer.

I really think Chapman is on to something good here!!

Marriage is about more than just warm, fuzzy feelings, roses, and emotional songs on the radio in the "euphoric stage."  Sure, those things are nice.  Who doesn't like that kind of stuff?!  But, marriage is also about a guy and a girl happily taking care of each other's needs because they simply care about each other.  It's about looking after that special someone they married.

Husbands, make sure your wife feels loved by taking care of her needs.  Speak her language and connect with her.  Your marriage depends on it.

Wives, make sure your husband feels loved by taking care of his needs.  Speak his language and connect with him.  Your marriage depends on it.

May God bless our marriages.

And may we husbands and wives intentionally take care of each other.


  1. That is awesome! We have struggled over the years with a lot this stuff but my wife and I are going in the right direction. My trust in the Lord will get me and my family through out tough times and what makes me feel so good about it, is because the God is in my life like no other time in life! JS

  2. Hey JS, hang in there! You're going to make it. God will heal, prosper, and bless that relationship with you doing things His way. I'm proud of you!