Since I've become a pastor in 1996, I've witnessed this in numerous churches I've served or visited. When people get complimented for singing a song, preaching a message, overseeing a project, leading a ministry, or doing something really well, they just don't know what to do in response.
Often times I hear folks say, "Don't thank me. It was a team effort." A handful of times people have said, "Don't thank me because then God won't give me my reward in Heaven." Sometimes folks will say, "I didn't do it for thanks, so you don't have to say that." Once I saw a singer in a church service almost chastise a congregation for clapping after a song. He said, "No! Don't you clap for me. Give God the glory."
Some people mishandle compliments because they wrestle with a low self esteem or various insecurities. Other people do this because they're theologically confused. And a few people fail to receive compliments well because they're unsure of whether or not people are sincere in praising their efforts.
If you're someone who does this, please hear me out. I'm not picking on you. I'm not down on you. I just want to help you understand a very important truth: It's ok for people to compliment you, and it's ok for you to receive it with a grateful heart.
Paul opened up the book of Ephesians in the sixteenth verse of the first chapter by telling his audience, "I have not stopped giving thanks for you." He's paying them a compliment. The missionary is acknowledging something good about them and is expressing gratitude for the church of Ephesus. You see what's going on here? God told Paul to compliment fellow believers! God is behind the words of affirmation. I sure hope the Ephesians didn't write Paul back with the words, "No! Please don't thank us." Ha! No, I've got a pretty good feeling they accepted his words and were just thankful for the meaningful message.
When someone gives you a compliment, it may be that God is blessing you through their affirming words. Possibly He's whispering words of comfort and approval into your heart at that moment. After all, everyone from time to time benefits from being told they're making a difference.
If you are a person who constantly shoots down compliments that come your way, you need to be careful. Your response, though well intentioned, can actually be a turn off to the person who is trying to bless you. It can come across as ungrateful, rude, or self-righteous. Think about it this way: If you gave someone a gift and they quickly said, "No, don't give me this", you'd be offended or confused, wouldn't you? Well it's the same way when someone is pointing out something good that you did. They're extending you a gift and you're saying "No, don't give me this." It's possible you're confusing or offending the person who is simply trying to be good to you and encourage you.
Folks, it's important to be humble. And certainly we do want God to get the glory and praise in our lives. But with that being said, it's still completely acceptable for people to tell you that you did a good job with something. And it's equally appropriate for you to take their words to heart and simply say, "Hey thanks for your kind words. I really appreciate it."
In Matthew 25:23, we are introduced to the idea of God giving a compliment to one of His people. "Well done, good and faithful servant", He says. God deems it appropriate and right to affirm this man. When those words are uttered, I think two things. First, I'm sure the servant is thankful and wouldn't dream of telling God, "No, don't thank me." Second, I'm reminded that the offering of appropriate, well-deserved, compliments is acceptable in God's eyes, and should be in our eyes as well.
Work on this, ok? Learn to take a compliment. Accept it as a gift that is intended to make your day a little brighter and your life a little better. Ultimately, know that it's ok to kindly say, "Thank you" in response to the one who gave you a word of praise. See it for what it is: A special, blessed moment for you to cherish and enjoy.
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